A Scottish Breakfast and "Sorry, I am an Ignorant American" but I still want my Damn Toast!

EDINBURGH, Scotland, U.K.

Included in our B&B tariff in Edinburgh was a full Scottish Breakfast every morning. Naturally being the self-proclaimed foodie that I am, I was particularly excited to enjoy my very first Scottish Breakfast. Meaning no offense to the Scots, I think the only thing that makes this breakfast Scottish is the choice of haggis (and maybe the potato pancake). The rest of the meal looks very much like a Traditional English Breakfast I’ve had in my previous trip to the U.K. of sausage, 2 slices of (salty) bacon, eggs (I prefer mine poached), hash brown, beans (as in pork and beans), mushrooms, and (half of a) grilled tomato. Unfortunately (or fortunately), I forgot to check the box for haggis on my breakfast card the night before and I never had haggis while in Edinburgh. The Scottish (and English) Breakfast, is a very filling meal and the one I had at the Hotel Ceilidh-Donia was particularly tasty (my egg was poached just right!), especially when you start with cereal and toast while waiting for it. Speaking of toast…

I am very interested in the cultural differences between the U.S.A. and the rest of the world when it comes to mundane things. This morning, I was confronted with the mundane toaster. Let me begin by saying that I haven’t used a traditional toaster in the U.S.A. in a very long time, having comfortably settled with a toaster oven for my morning toast and occasional frozen waffle, so if there is a toaster in the U.S.A. that is similar to what I will be describing, pardon me and pretend you never read the next couple of paragraphs.

While waiting for my Scottish Breakfast, I placed some brown bread (that's wheat bread in the U.S.A.) in the toaster and returned to my table (which was in another room) with my bowl of cereal (bran flakes). I return to the toaster after a minute or so and my bread was still in the toaster. I was fidgeting around with the toaster trying to get it to release my bread but to no avail. Feeling a little self-conscious (I was sure that the old English lady on the right and the 30-something couple behind me was staring and pitying my stupidity) I left my damn bread and returned to my table. I came back a minute or two later and found my (very dark) toast on the floor! So I placed the last slice of brown bread in the toaster and moved the dial to a lighter setting in the hopes that I will get my toast sooner, and again feeling self-conscious, not wanting to wait around in front of the toaster (the lady and the couple were still there!), I went back to my table. I came back and my toast was still in the damn toaster! One of the dining room servers was arranging the buffet table and probably noticed I was uneasingly waiting for my toast, so she pressed a button that was cleverly concealed within the dial. I grinned sheepishly and said, “Sorry, I am an ignorant America,” She smiled back saying “No problem.”

Whenever I travel overseas, and am confronted with something foreign to me, but very familiar to the locals, I always end up saying, “Sorry, I am an ignorant American.” It works for my self-deprecating humor. Maybe you can give it a try sometime, I find it is a great way to come out of those embarrassing (and often times awkward) moments as an American in a foreign land.